The Sins of the Father, the Silence of the Mother, and the Biological Receipt for a Lifestyle the Children Didn’t Get to Live

Last night, I made an interesting connection - let’s call it a thread that ties [a lot of disconnected pieces] together the fragmented realities of our time. It explains why this generation has more women getting married in their 30s, why most men still think like boys, why so many people are on the spectrum (undiagnosed), and why a generation is currently numbing itself with drugs.

It is history repeating itself, but more importantly, it is embedded in the aftermath of the life that was lived in the 80s.

For those who don’t understand the context of the 80s, you should read up about the decade of decadence to get the full scope. In a nutshell, the 80s were presumably the best and wildest era. Case in point: the greatest entertainers (we know today) to ever exist thrived during that period. There was something in the air - or perhaps in their systems - that made everyone peak: vibrant, characterized and iconic - and i say this because from the way we dress now; our mannerisms, the part of history we relish and bring back to this era, it’s starting to give 2026 is the new 80s. But that peak came with a cost, and we are the ones currently paying the bill.

Walk With Me

Let’s start with the shift in marriage age. Yes, marriage is not an achievement; it is in no way the definition of a woman nor is it tied to her identity. Yet, a lot of women still want to get married, but there is a problem.

Look at the mothers - the women who were ladies, babes, or "baddies" in their prime in the 80s/90s. They all married early, mostly in their 20s. From what we know now, for a lot of them, it was a marriage that stole their passion, took their dreams, and relegated them to being housewives.

What do you think those mothers' missions become when they have daughters? To tell them - even if it is told indirectly through their silence or their sighs - how marriage takes everything away from a woman. If you are wondering why you see young women today who think and talk with such guarded independence, it’s from what they saw when they were young. They are reacting to a ghost.

But that is for the daughters. What about the sons?

Today, we can all attest to a major neglect in the way the boy child is being raised. Gather a group of men today and ask them about life as a boy, and you will almost always hear a derailing story. A lot of men today are stuck in a mental timelapse - a loop of neglect, abuse, abandonment, or the heavy pressure of association at a very young age.

From the father: "You’re the man of the house." From the mother: "You must protect your siblings." From the siblings: "You are our brother, you have to provide." And here is where it gets worse: the person who was supposed to teach them, be there for them, and serve as their role model - the father - was hardly ever around. Where was he? Being a man? Or was he out there, living the life the 80s afforded.

Now, what does the 80s have to do with any of this?

This leads us to why so many people are on the spectrum (often undiagnosed).

I recently read that the overall well-being of a child is heavily determined by the quality of the sperm. The healthier the man, the better the chances for the baby.

So if you’re recently married and you’re trying for a baby, you might need to cut back on a lot of your vices and bad habits, for the sake of your wife and the health of your child. Bad/unhealthy sperm also affects the mother and is often responsible for the many changes a woman goes through during pregnancy.

But the 80s were a wild time. If the fathers were rarely home because everyone was having a "good time" - and you can imagine what that was like because it’s the life you’re living now (again 2026 is the new 80s), probably worse - you can only imagine what that quality of sperm was like. If your father wasn’t a smoker or a heavy drinker before you were born, then you might just be in luck.

How does this tie to why everyone is on drugs today?

If you grew up in a household where your mother wasn’t her own individual but simply your mother and your father’s wife, worse if you witness abuse - you [subconsciously] watched the death of personhood. If you hardly saw your father, or only saw him in a frighten light, then you had no good example; so you had to figure things out yourself while also witnessing the harsh realities as a child.

You grow up with a massive sense of responsibility [saying i don’t want to grow up to be like that] but you have no true path of guidance - so you’re stuck in a loop chasing an idea (that doesn’t exist) and fighting a backstory (you don’t fully understand). When you find out your dad wasn’t home because he was either busy chasing a high or a lifestyle, running away from his own past or just avoiding the responsibility of being a man all together, all that subconscious information becomes too much once you reach adulthood - and then you crash. You need to numb the pain or find an escape. Drugs and vices provide that gateway.

History is simply repeating itself.

If we look at our generation now, we are seeing a shift in neuro-atypicality, the sudden urge for everyone to “express” themselves through behaviors that differ from what is considered typical, it can be linked to the unhealthy lifestyle habits that produced us. Today, both men and women are currently involved in a similar habit of lifestyle: drug usage and excesses. When it is time for you to be a parent, you are putting your own kids at risk simply because you are living a life of decadence.

Take a step back and pay attention to the kids we have today. There is a certain trait that’s common among them - I’ll let you figure out what that is.

Don’t think for a second that because you are providing more than you got, your kids are going to have a better shot at it (life). No. Just the same way you noticed things when you were younger, they are also noticing. Your presence, your absence, and your pretense. If you turned out the way you did because of what your parents did or didn't do, look up. History is repeating itself.

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{I write this with full knowledge and understanding that this might not be everyone’s reality and this situation does not cut across the board. Neither do I intend to generalize. But for the people who can relate, this story is for them. Let it serve as a hiding piece for those who seek additional information and context for the lives they are living now.}

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I thought about this recently and i made connection i shouldn’t have. Now, i’m saddled with the burden of sharing with you and i think if you enjoyed this read, you should share it with someone also.

Now that we have passed this discomfort around, i know it was a lot to swallow, but i also know you have your observations and comments. I’d love for you to share them here and maybe we can talk about that also.

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