i found my way back.

at one point in my life, i was deluded to thinking things could change. i would always take the opposing side because i just couldn’t accept normalcy as the answer - there just always had to be another way and for the longest time, i stayed stubborn believing this. i held on to morals, value and beliefs because i always wanted to be different. to better put it, i think i was too rigid for my own liking.

lately, i’ve been reconnecting with a lot of people from my past (life before 2022) and im finally coming to terms with the fact that i have to constantly summarize what my life is like now to every one i re-connect with. in a way, this has forced me to step outside my current reality to gain a broader sense of the world that’s happening around me.

— i think i’m living a sheltered life: and for the longest time, i fought this. there are things that involve my daily life/routine now that seems odd or unimaginable to someone who has a regular life. and it’s all crazy to me because, regular means so differently to me. when i started working in a bank, i had imagined a quiet intimate bachelors life in a two bedroom apartment where i get to spend the weekends with my boys and special days with my partner. a simple and quiet life with vested interests in politics and fashion - that was the plan. to build a career and become someone important in future; somewhat.

then the unexpected happened and everything changed. i can tell you for free - this life that i had dreamed up earlier, was absolute bullshit. in no way should receiving payment only 12 times a year ever be accepted. now - i can’t wrap my head around it. i’ve tried to justify it but it still doesn’t make any sense. i think what’s even crazier to me was realizing that no one ever became wealthy simply by earning a salary - you just had to do more. i’ve lived a better part of the last couple of years wondering why i applied for the show, but i’ve also always pondered on what life would have been like if i hadn’t, and with my current pov, i’m glad i never got the former.

i went on the show once, made it till the end, went back right after, made it till the end, worked on the show for the next season (a 360 experience), then i went to egypt, walked in the pyramids and saw the red sea - these aren’t normal experiences that anyone just has. and it’s been such an ordeal to manage because you can’t explain it to anyone else. literally not a single person, because this, whatever this is; doesn’t just happen to everyone. i don’t even know why i got to have it and it’s been keeping me up at night, a lot. one unfortunate outcome from all of this is that, i’m no longer deluded into thinking that things can change anymore - you can imagine the access i have now, the things i know and i still don’t see an outcome where everyone benefits. it took me a hot minute but i now understand why a lot of people (who know) are quiet. they’ve seen this too and they get it. maybe things will change, i hope for things to change, but the odds of things ever changing (for the better) is very slim. for you see, a lot of people bank on hope.

and that’s the one commodity that’s been sold as a novelty. i wish i could explain this even further, but the people who will see this wouldn’t even understand (what i’m talking about) and that’s what is so infuriating. change is a necessity but change can only come from the people who want it and if your only experience is your immediate reality (just like me earlier) you cannot possibly see that you need change. there’s a lot of things you may not understand because it’s not your area of immediate concern. but i promise you, not everything that seems questionable is happening without due reason. there are people, who know things you don’t know and they’re using it to their advantage.

i’m not sure what the purpose of all of this is, but i’ve been paying attention to zodiac signs a little bit and i’m starting to lean into my star sign: being the scale and finding the balance. i’ve been forced to conform because being different kind of makes you an odd one out and you kind of need community to grow. so i guess, i lost a part of myself. but somehow, i started to trace my steps and i’ve found semblance of that spirit of defiance and stubbornness in my thoughts and reactions to thinks. but i am now guided by extra years of experience and i have found a bit of balance - so my disposition is now different. change might be difficult at large, but nothing ever said we couldn’t conquer the ones within us first. i have now learned that, nothing that truly happens on the outside is important enough to bother us and the real work is on the inside. and just as me, someone who had a stoic and rigid way of living only a few years ago could change and adapt and come to terms with his new reality, just imagine how much of a shift and attitude change everyone can have - if they allow themselves see beyond what they currently know. maybe, just maybe then, things might start to change.

yours ever changing,

Adékúnlé.

p.s. Watch My Latest Tecno Video Here